I've been feeling a strange little stirring for the past few days. No, I'm not pregnant, so it's not that kind of stirring. It's a restlessness, an unsettled feeling, a -dare I say it- need for change. Change and I aren't usually on speaking terms.
Truth be told, I started this post about two months ago. And, yes, I'm still feeling this way. Physically, there has been many changes. Most of which I'm not happy about. There's been emotional changes, too. Those are way more complicated than any physical change could ever be.
After living in somewhat of a cocoon for five years or so, I feel like I am finally emerging and facing the world in a new way. I'm ready to take back things that were stolen from, or lost to, me. I'm done hiding in the shadows, believing the lies spoken to me, about me. But it's hard taking that first step!
I feeling like I'm teetering on the edge, in danger of falling from a cliff. I also know, though, that the only way to fly is to be pushed out of the nest, with nothing to break the fall but the ground. I think this step is harder the second time around. I did fly once. I was strong, brave and courageous. I was out there. I was doing. And then I was shot down. There was no blaze of glory. It was a fiery, hideous crash! That experience makes it even harder for me to step off the ledge again.
Yet the stirring continues.
