Would you go back....

     I'll admit it.  I'm on facebook.  A lot.  I'm able to have contact with people from different periods in my life.  I like that.  It's interesting, even fun, to see how people's lives have changed.  I enjoy seeing the cheerleaders wrinkled and gray-haired.  I like seeing the football players fat and bald.  Is this childish?  Perhaps.  But admit it.  You like it, too.

     One thing I see on facebook often is people wanting to go back to an earlier time in their life, whether it be to a simpler time or to have the opportunity to do things differently.  I see the questions of "wouldn't it be great to be a kid again?" Nope.  Or "wouldn't it be fun to be in high school again?"  Never in a million years would I go back there.  If you've read my earlier posts, you know exactly why.  I am completely happy with where I am now.  I'm more whole than I have been in my entire life.

     My  Youth With A Mission (YWAM) days are different.  Those years were some of the best of my life, and ones I wouldn't mind revisiting. That's where I met my best friend of 32 years (she's the one in the hat in the photo).  It's also where I met my husband of almost 30 years.  I loved that time in my life!

     YWAM was the first place I was allowed to be an individual, as evidenced by the above photo.  No one cared that I didn't fit the mold.   No one cared that I wore make-up different from theirs.  I was able to dress like Molly Ringwald in "Pretty in Pink" and nobody made a big deal about it.  My individuality had been discouraged most of my life.  It was nice to finally be me.

     YWAM is also where my healing began.  I discovered that I could actually be friends with a guy and there be no expectations.  This was such a foreign concept to me.  I'll be honest, it took a little while for this to sink in.  But I was in a safe place that allowed me room to grow.
     It was during this time that I began to unpack the trauma from my childhood.  Everything from that time had been neatly packed away, emotions and all.  I had believed that once I could tell my story without feeling it, without tears, that it meant I was healed.  Yeah, that's not really how it works.

    The nice thing about the YWAM days was basically living in a commune with only limited interactions with the outside world.  We spent 6-7 hours a day in classes, learning who God was and why He mattered to our lives.  The more I learned about Him, the more I changed.

    Grew.

    Healed.

It softened my edges and gave me hope.  Those were some of the best years of my life.
 
     I was watching a church service last night and they were really stressing the importance of taking the time to remember.  Remember where you have come from.  Remember how far you have come.  Remember the things God has done in your life.
 
     Remember.  But don't get stuck back there.  Not when so much is pressing you forward.