I love to give gifts. I like the look on a loved one's face when they open a gift and realize I paid attention to something they said months ago. It's even better when the gift isn't something they told me about, but I found something perfect.
I like the shopping process. Going to the mall and perusing my options. At times, things jump out at me and I just know. Other times, it takes more thought. I have to dig deep and really think about the person I'm shopping for. But it's always a gift.
In a "normal" Christmas season, I would have spent a day shopping with my daughter and daughter-in-law. We'd leave early in the morning and drive down to Delaware. It's nice to visit a mall that has different stores than we're used to seeing. Delaware being a state with no sales tax is nice, too, because our money goes just a little farther.
We would spend the day shopping. Laughing. Having fun. Then I would buy lunch or dinner, and we would head home. My heart would be full after spending that time with two of my favorite people, shopping for other favorite people.
We didn't get to do that this year. One more thing Covid stole this year. I had to shop online, which I find so impersonal. I found myself missing the shopping trip. I missed spending time with "my girls". I even missed my daughter-in-law teasing me: "we must be going shopping. Regina's got on those ripped jeans". So many little things that I took for granted. As I cried, yes cried, about missing that trip and not being able to properly shop for Christmas presents, I began to think about the gifts we (my husband and I) have given to our children.
We taught them the importance of hospitality. Our doors were always open, and everyone was welcome. I liked people, when they were in my home, to feel like they were at home. People rooted through the fridge, and answered the door. There was always a meal for whoever needed one. Our kids knew our family was different from their friends' and were quick to invite them over. We didn't know at the time what people were going through, but welcomed them in.
We taught them the importance of eating together. We always ate dinner together. It didn't matter if there were sports or other activities. Dinner together was a priority. Phones weren't, and still aren't, allowed at the dinner table. This made us pay attention to each other. There definitely was some chaotic times, but what I remember is the laughter and just talking. Even now, when we do get together for a meal, the kids and I linger at the table long after we've finished eating. It's about connection.
We were open with them about financial difficulties. That doesn't mean we went over our bills and bank statements with them, but we didn't always have money for "extras". We would have conversations with them, on their age level, about choices we had to make or why we couldn't buy the things their friends had. I think this helped them go into marriage with realistic expectations, not expecting to instantly have everything.
We taught them that people are people. Our children were exposed to people from all different cultures and walks of life. Rich, poor. White, brown, black. Physically or mentally abled different from us. We tried to treat everyone with dignity and respect. I'll admit this was a challenge when our daughter came out, then started bringing her now wife around. It was messy. We could have done better. Ultimately, I want to love people. I want them to feel loved. Period. I think our kids got this.
We taught them to be good humans. We wanted them to know that their actions always impacted others, whether for good or bad. To always leave people better than they found them. To offer healing, peace, understanding in the midst of pain, hurt and confusion. To love people.
So, while my gift giving looks quite different this year, I know there is one very important gift I've given my kids. They know I love them.
What gifts have you given? What are you going to start giving?
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