When a friend decides not to be your friend anymore, it hurts.
But for how long is that person allowed to bad-mouth you to all of your mutual friends? I'm not talking about telling why the friendship ended. What I'm talking about is flat-out lies. And if I am an important enough part of your life that you still need to spend this much energy on me 19 months after you threw me out of your life, then why did you end it?
We've been through this cycle so many times that I can't even count, but this time, I don't even want you back. Is this harsh? I prefer to think of it as self-preservation. Each time you do this one more piece of me is broken and, frankly, I'm running out of pieces.
I thought that now that I'm into my 40s there wouldn't be so much grade-school drama in my life. I thought my friendships would be with adults, and that they would act like such. I thought we'd have friendships based on honesty, mutual respect and a desire to spend time together.
Instead, friendship with you is like a competition. That's just not what I am about at this phase of my life. I don't care if you got a new car (that you can't afford), went to the beach, or drink yourself silly every chance you get. I'm not interested in whose hair is blonder, who is tanner or thinner (though I am all 3).
I just wanted someone to hang out with, talk to, have things in common with. Even now that you've unfriended me, I miss you sometimes. Not enough to jump into that whole mess again.
But I strangely feel like I am stuck in a giant spider web you've woven with no way of getting free. Please, just release me.
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