I have widespread arthritis, and it's really done a job on my neck. The vertebrae have growths on them, and there is no longer any cushioning between them, so my nerves are flattened in two places. While meeting with the pain management doctor this week, we were discussing possible causes. In turns out that while being a hairdresser for 15+ years is a definite contributing factor, it actually started long ago.
Due to immense trauma in my early childhood, I was a very shy child. I walked around looking at the ground, bent at the neck, never looking anyone in the eye. My shoulders were slumped and rounded, as id bearing the weight of the world. My mom often told me to pull my shoulders back, to sit up straight, but when you think you're worthless it's a losing battle. Being young, I didn't realize I was making a choice that would impact me later in life.
Driving home form that appointment I began thinking how something I did so long ago, something seemingly so innocent, would have such a drastic impact on my life today. It made me wonder what other choices I made, things that seemed inconsequential, are playing out in my life today. I'm sure I can never know their extent. I can't go back and undo all the stupid things I did, and definitely not the choices others made for me. But I can be more present in the choices I make from here on, realizing their impact will live on well beyond me like ripples on a pond or waves in the ocean.
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