Strength in numbers

I am a strong person. That's what everyone tells me.

But the strength I have I wasn't born with. It's the result of circumstances I've been through. So I got to wondering if anyone is really born a "strong person". Without facing adversity how would you know the strength was there?

Anyway, why is it that when a stong person has a bad day, their friendship circles act like the world is falling apart? That's a lot of pressure! I can't be strong indefinitely. Well, I could, if I lived in a bubble, sequestered from the rest of the world. After all, it's other people who test my "strength".

But I live in the real world, surrounded by real people, which means I am forever given opportunities to grow stronger. It seems that means others expect me to just keep plugging along, always winning, always enduring, always being unaffected. If only that were the case.

The fact is I am often less pulled together in my mind than you think. And sometimes that bubbles up to the surface, where I am unable to contain it. That means I have a bad day, or two, or week.... And when I do, please leave me alone. I'm not being rude or uncaring. I just have enough to sort through without having the added pressure of keeping your world spinning, too.

My husband and I have been working on this for most of our 21 year marriage. Our backgrounds have very different communication styles. His is to blurt it all out and apologize later, if need be. Mine is to internalize and keep everything looking smooth on the surface. I have learned not to say "I'm fine" when it clearly isn't. He has learned to give me space and not ask incessant questions. Sometimes, I just need him to listen. Not ask questions. Not try to solve the problem.

So, please let me have my moments of weakness. It reinforces that I am human. I know that you care, and I won't think any less of you if you don't harass me. Besides, your barrage of "concern" can come across as selfish when it feels like the spinning of your world is dependent on balance in mine.