Did you ever have a conversation in your head? I do it all the time, and I write the dialogue for all the parties involved. This helps me process how to handle a situation. It can also backfire on me and I end up worked into a frenzy.
Did you ever have something happen and at the time you felt it really wasn't a big deal, but as time wore on and you change your mind? I do this. And the more I think-- read obsess-- about the situation, the more dire it becomes. Some event that was truly innocuous can become full-blown treason once it's been through all the conversations in my mind.
I don't know why it's so easy to think the worst of people. Why have I decided that an innocent action was really driven by some deeper, darker motivation? I try not to operate that way when I deal with others, so why do I set the standard so low in what I expect from them? I guess I've conditioned myself to "get to the bottom", whether that's based in reality or not.
It drives me crazy when I think people assume I behave like everyone else, yet I am so quick to assume everyone, on some level, is out to get me and so I need to role play in my mind to know why. My mind is a scary place. I've long known this. To try to understand it is crazy in itself. As I journey to make myself a better person I have to try to understand the mystery that is me. It's time to hold myself to the same standards I use on others.
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